roses.

Please meet me here, Father.

I need You to meet me here.

Today was just challenging. And I'm so thankful for the Lord providing me a roommate out here who understands a lot of what I'm going through. She and I are very similar- not only theologically but also just in our interests and the people who we are surrounded by at college. I love that I can bounce my opinions off of her, and she helps me process what I'm learning. I'm looking forward to spending this summer learning and growing in the Lord with Kristen. Gracious Father, I praise you for Kristen. For her beautiful heart to serve you and glorify you. For her willingness to obey by joining SAI and really learning to love the sisters as Your children. I know that there is so much we can learn from each other, and I just ask that you bless our time together- let it be sweet, and glorifying, and edifying. 

Tonight, at church, I had a hard time just meeting with the Lord. So much was blocking my heart and I just found it impossible to fully focus. But I needed this. This time to see what I had on my heart and see what I needed help changing. It's like Claude said this morning-- We may have a completely pure ocean. No specks of garbage or oil. But the minute you put some debris in it, it becomes tainted. and no matter how much pure water we pour into that ocean, the only way to make it clean again is to pull the impurity out. When my heart has something that is not of You, I can't make it pure by pouring good things, but rather by repenting, focusing on You and Your glory, and asking you to help me.

So Father, meet me. Form my heart to be like Yours. My being cries out to you for you to come and speak in my stillness.

Only You are worthy of my praise, my longing, Lord. Fill me with Your presence.

summer girl.

Last Saturday, I said goodbye to my duplex. I left my handprint in an awful shade of yellowish tan paint called "Almond Paste." Don't worry, the handprint is behind the cabinet in the bathroom. As LB and I groaned over the poor choice of paint color chosen by our landlord, and as I scrubbed every last bit of the house clean, I decided I wanted to leave a mark on the house, as it had on me. So I decided that a handprint would be perfect. We had taken the cabinet off the wall so it was easier to paint, and staring at the white square on the wall where the shelf had been, it just felt right.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, this house has seen me through a lot of things. A roller coaster of emotions, roommates, and seasons. I turned off the air conditioner that two years ago, I would have given anything for. Instead, we laid on the floor, listening to Ella and Louis, too hot to move. Books went into storage until August 15. Books about soccer that once held concert tickets and children's books about a bad hair day. I packed away the speakers that have been the source of a few of the best dance party days ever. I closed the blinds that were finally fixed only a few months ago and replaced the back porch lightbulb- you know, the fixture that was filled with bugs. And I had a choice to make. These flashbacks, these moments that I was running through in my mind, what would I do with them? Would I keep them with me, allowing the hurt I felt to hold me back? Or allowing the moments of bliss cloud my view of what I am blessed with currently?

And so when I walked out that door, I locked the door on the memories I had made inside these walls. It's time to move forward. To be thankful for the beautiful moments, but not dwell.

I set "Crooked Teeth" as my ringtone, as it was two summers ago. But, it will no longer be a reminder of... of anything. It's just a ringtone. And it's 100 degrees, so it's fitting.

I cut and colored my hair... for me. And no one else.

I heard Hide and Seek and sang along.

I watched Anime with girls I adore and had a blast.

I drove past Falls Creek, and smiled.

And most importantly, I realized that Winter is finally over. Summer is here, and I have never been more ready. Bring it on.