I'll tell you one thing, it sure does mess with your self-esteem. Luckily, this time, I know who is moving in. A good friend of mine was hurriedly looking for a place to live, as I was seeking someone to move in. The phone call to her was a reminder that the Lord is sovereign and is watching out for me, even when I feel that no one else is. And though I couldn't be more thrilled to soon be living with Laura, a woman who encourages me in my walk with the Lord and with whom I can talk about my struggles and my joys in Him, it still hurt to see the door close behind Audrey after we packed her bookshelf into the car.
As I sat in my vacant house earlier today, as I feel I've done so many times, I began to look back on my time in this little place I call home:
- It was on this porch that I sat with Cassie, talking about anything and everything, the smell of smoke strong and perfume sweet.
- This living room saw the best relationship I've ever been in, and the hardest break up I've gone through.
- It was in this hallway that I dropped to my knees and cried for two hours on the phone to my best friend after yet another frustrating day as a black sheep in the school of music.
- This kitchen... and Audrey... saw me fail at new recipes and rejoice with successes.
- These floors have held many a roadie and friend who needed a place to crash.
- This bedroom forced me to face my fear of night head on, as I realized that the Lord could walk me through it.
This house is a constant reminder of what I've been through, and how the Lord has been faithful to provide. He has walked me through laughter and tears in this house and has used each relationship that has come out of it in a different way.
My nest is not empty long. A good friend of mine just got a beautiful bird tattooed on her foot. We talked about how we like that birds can make their home anywhere, and out of anything. Not just a house- but a home. This duplex I live in is small, cold, doesn't have a good dishwasher and my washer and dryer are terrible. There are holes in the corners and scuffs on the walls, but it is a home. Next December, after graduation, the Lord may pick me up and move me somewhere new-- but until then, I will be thankful for what I have. For the thorny vines in my nest just as for the soft cotton. I am excited about a new semester with a beautiful friend and seeing how the Father helps us rebuild our home together.