If you ask me

how I'm doing with this, don't expect me to know what to say because my heart changes every 5 seconds, I swear.

One moment I'm fine, the next I'm definitely not. I don't know. My heart is just in a weird place right now.

But the Lord is good, and I'm trusting that this is right. 

It just sucks for the time being.

Christian first. Baptist second.

I find myself gradually becoming more and more Baptist.

Had I said that last year, I think that would have scared me and I guarantee I would have run from it- but I love what the Lord is doing in my life, who He is shaping me into.

That being said, this past week has been really hard- I've gotten quite a bit of opposition from both non-Christian and Christian friends for my faith. I would be a horrible liar if I said that it didn't break me from the inside out. A few blogs ago I posted about being an honest and bold Christian, who isn't afraid to share the gospel. And I know a lot of the opposition to what I believe stemmed from that post and people taking me to be "too conservative." Here is me saying "Yes, I admit it: it's hard and it kinda sucks." Being rejected by your friends- especially those who share your faith- hurts more than I can explain, but I know that it could never compare to the brokenness I imagine Jesus felt when His people- His family, friends, people in the church who had known Him since He was a child- turned on Him to put Him on the Cross. 

My faith rests confidently in the Word of the Lord. Not in men, not in myself, not in some feeling I get after a good night of worship and prayer- but in the rock solid Word of God. 

Father, You are mighty and powerful. I praise You and I desire to glorify You in all that I am! I long to bring honor to Your name, even though I fail time and time again. Almighty, I've been so beat down by my friends this week. Friends, God, whom I have trusted in for many many things. You know how their words and actions have hurt me, but God I ask that you help me to stay bold in my faith. Lord, give me words to speak that are filled with your truth and balanced in love so that my tongue does not cut through ties of friendship. Lord, I need Your discernment to be able to pick out Your voice above theirs... and above anyone's! Your truth is the truth I base my faith around, not the human idea of a "relative truth". I know Your words in Provers 2:6 say "For the Lord gives wisdom: out of His mouth comes knowledge and understanding." Lord, I cry for your wisdom that I may see my faults. Silence the doubts that arise in my heart and tear them away with your truth. Father, I ask that you help me be humble to accept correction from brothers and sisters in You so that I may not hinder myself from learning more about You and Your awesome ways.

God, I praise you. You are more complex and more beautiful than I could ever imagine. Thank you for who You are, and for who You are molding me to be.

Darkness and Tree-shadows.

Who actually reads this? Pretty much no one. So I'm okay just writing for no one in particular.

I'm a wimp. I hate the dark. Which is strange, because I'm such a night person- I hit my prime around 11 or 12. But I do, I'm terrified of the dark. It reminds me that I am so alone and vulnerable. And you know what else I hate? The shadows that things make on the window when there is a little bit of backlighting- be it a streetlamp, or just the moon. It freaks me out and I just don't have good memories of shadows. Or windows. Or darkness.

So I have legitimate reasons. But still, I feel like a 5 year old.

Tonight, I'm watching the tree-shadows. These shadows don't dance as I've seen some do. They don't play and jump excitedly. These branches yell and push and pull. One of the branches on the tender tree outside keeps swaying forward and the shadow makes it look as though it is hitting a smaller branch repeatedly. I know how that smaller branch feels.

I'm not trying to use elegant words and beautiful descriptions, if I was I would be failing miserably. But, as I said earlier, no one actually reads this except for me. 

Tonight I want to hide under my covers, I want to run from this dark I know well. Everywhere I look there are shadows and windows and memories. Fear.

Sometimes it's killer being a night person. The midnight fear is always the worst. Lucky for many of you morning-people, you may never experience it. The midnight's fear is not just a fear of men, oh no. It's a fear of your past, of your future, of the trust you place in people, of the trust you place in yourself. It's a desire to be someone different, but knowing that nothing can be done until tomorrow. It's having the big branch hit you on the head over and over and over- with truth, pain, envy, memories, and worry. 

I'm not in the mood for tree-shadows. Not even if they danced for me. They almost never do. 

I'm not in the mood for darkness.  I hate the way it makes me stress.

I'm not in the mood for windows. But then again, I'm rarely in the mood for windows at night.

Really, if you want to get down to it, I'm not in the mood for anything. I'm just in a bad mood.

Hooray.

Can I just say:

that the Lord blows me away? I mean, seriously, the things that I don't comprehend about Him... they are limitless. I'm going back through Romans and finding all the different facets of the Lord, and I can't even begin to understand. I can't think about His wrath that goes alongside His unending grace and mercy; His incredible power- that mighty fortress of strength- that lies in one hand, and the lamb-like meekness in His other. God is so... crazy. So amazing. So perfect. So... I don't know. The 26 letters of our alphabet cannot form a word that fits Him. 

He is God.

He is.

He.

Also, as I've been reading through Romans, I was given a key verse- it's kinda the summation of the first 11 chapters. The first 11 go through theology, while chapters 12-16 are the application of that theology. Romans 11:36 gives a perfect answer to the question "WHY??" 

"For from Him, and through Him, and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen."

Amen. I mean, wow. It's so true. Everything is for the glory of the Lord. Everything is from the glory of the Lord. Everything is His- so I need to make sure I am reflecting that in everything. 

It's beautiful. And challenging. More like beautifully challenging. I've had it written on my wrist for the past few days to remind me. 

My God? He's gloriously incredible.

Take this as you will...

Call me old-fashioned. Call me legalistic. Call me a CHRISTIAN. I dare you, but I get so frustrated with the idea that we can be inoffensive, passive Christians.

It CAN'T be done. 

THE CROSS IS OFFENSIVE.

THE BIBLE IS OFFENSIVE.

CHRIST IS OFFENSIVE.

And I'm not just making that up. It's Biblical. 

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." 1 Corinthians 1:18

"For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision counts for anything, but only faith working through love. You were running well. Who hindered you from obeying the truth? This persuasion is not from him who calls you. A little leaven leavens the whole lump. I have confidence in the Lord that you will take no other view than mine, and the one who is troubling you will bear the penalty, whoever he is. But if I, brothers, still preach circumcision, why am I still being persecuted? In that case the offense of the cross has been removed. I wish those who unsettle you would emasculate themselves!" Galatians 5:6-12

That doesn't seem like a shallow, lovey-dovey, hippie gospel to me.

Don't get me wrong- I love being a hippie and loving on people. It's what I do.

But love..without TRUTH? It's empty. 

We absolutely can not be afraid to step on toes. It's sickening. 

Mark Driscoll has a sermon called Death By Love in which he gets angry at the idea of being "inoffensive Christians." I like this quote a lot:

"At one of the largest churches in America, the pastor said 'We don't talk about sin. We don't talk about blood. We don't talk about death. We don't talk about hell. We don't talk about the cross- because we don't talk about things that people find offensive.'
Well then you don't talk about JESUS. And THAT is offensive."

AMEN. We, as modern Christians, are so terrified of being conservative! We are terrified of being seen as crazy and heaven forbid we lose a friend because we shared the gospel.

But, friends- if you aren't sharing the gospel... your LOVE of your neighbor is POINTLESS. It is completely IN VAIN.

I don't care if you gave your life savings to the poor and fed 600 hungry in one day and drove your new friends to Walmart because they didn't have a car and don't know English well-- if you aren't sharing with them your faith in a way that doesn't sugarcoat the gospel, that doesn't turn Jesus into a long-haired, wimpy, girly boy... you are doing NOTHING to further the kingdom of the Lord.

 I recently watched a video by a popular pastor, in which he encouraged Christians to avoid words like "sin" and "repent" in connection with Jesus.

I'm sorry, but without "sin", there is no forgiveness. Without repentance, we can not meet with Christ. 

The gospel of Christ, His truth is being lost in the murky water of modern-day Christianity. It is being perverted to something so much LESS than what it is.

What are we so afraid of?

"If the professed convert distinctly and deliberately declares that he knows the Lord's will but does not mean to attend to it, you are not to pamper his presumption, but it is your duty to assure him that he is not saved. Do not suppose that the Gospel is magnified or God glorified by going to the worldlings and telling them that they may be saved at this moment by simply accepting Christ as their Savior, while they are wedded to their idols, and their hearts are still in love with sin. If I do so I tell them a lie, pervert the Gospel , insult Christ, and turn the grace of God into lasciviousness." - Charles Spurgeon

Jesus, I want a righteous anger. I want to be furious about things that are not of the Lord.

I want it to disgust me. I want it to repulse me. I want to be so angry that I do something about it. Lord, forgive me for being afraid to step on toes and afraid of losing friends. Your glory is more than enough for me and I should be willing to give up all of my dignity for it. I know that your gospel is offensive and I know that people will be turned away because of it- but Lord, I don't want to stand in front of you and say that the things I did on earth were not eternal because I never had the guts to share your name in connection with anything other than a wimpy man-god version of who YOU ARE. God, you are MIGHTY. You are HOLY. You are more powerful than I could ever imagine. Help me to stop creating an image of you that is simply a man. Help me to be bold and to have confidence in the cross, to know that the cross is bloody and disgusting and that if I am not sharing the offense of that, then I am not sharing You.

Things you should check out:

Mark Driscoll's "Death by Love"

Charles Spurgeon's "The Offense of the Cross" 

Steven Camp's "Removing the Offense of the Cross" 

I may have gone all over the place.. but I'd like to hear your response.

I love you, my friends.

.janelle

Being polite... at any age?

I don't get it.

Okay. Here's what I get: I GET that I look young. I GET that "one day you'll be happy about it".
What I don't understand is why people feel that it is socially acceptable to point out how young a person looks.

Example from this morning at a garage sale:
Me: I’m just looking for an end table for my new place.
Homeowner: Really? Aren’t you a bit young to move out on your own?
M: I’m actually in college.
H: Oh! Are you getting excited about heading off to the dorms and meeting new people? Where are you going to be?
M: I’m a junior at OU… I just have my own duplex now…
H: Wow! You just look so young! Kids these days.

Gee, thank you. Thank you very much.

And then another favorite: I went to the doctors office back in April. The receptionist asks me- “Now, are you 16 yet?”
Um… I was 4 years ago. Does that count? A simple, “Can I see your license? I need the number for insurance,” would have sufficed. Again, I appreciate the thought.

So here’s my thing. Because, like I said, I know I look young. I know plenty of people do… but you would never walk up to a 40 year old after you found out their age and say, "Oh man. I thought you were at least 55!" You would be considered horribly rude! You would never tell an older person that they looked ancient- that would be distasteful. You wouldn't have to lie- just keep your mouth shut as to not offend.

So who makes it okay to tell people how young they look, before they are at an age where that might even remotely be considered a good thing? No 20-something wants to be told they look as though they could be in high school.
It makes me angry that people can get away with those things under the guise of, “Trust me, you’ll appreciate that when you’re older.”
Under that pretense, it would be completely okay for me to tell some old lady just how OLD she looked as long as I followed it up with, “You would have appreciated that when you were younger.”
Hi. Not okay.

I’m asking that you ALL show some respect- be it to someone older or younger, or even your same age. If you make a mistake when judging their age, don’t make a big deal out of it- especially if you hadn’t previously said what age you thought they were. If they tell you that they ares 23, keep the words “Dang, I guessed you were 17..max…” in your head. Don’t tell someone how much older/younger they look, unless you are absolutely POSITIVE that it would be taken as a compliment. I don’t care how old you are, learn to have a bit of tact.

That’s all. ☺